Discover how releasing your ego—both arrogance and self-doubt—can help you live with confidence, purpose, and presence.
Letting Go of Ego: Finding Peace and Purpose
For most of my life, I unknowingly struggled with my ego. I used to believe that ego was only about arrogance—people who thought too highly of themselves. That was it. Because I didn’t think highly of myself, and often viewed myself negatively, I assumed I had no ego at all. Little did I know, I had a massive, negative ego that controlled my thoughts and self-worth.
What is Ego, Really?
Ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Notice that the definition doesn’t specify whether that self-perception is positive or negative—it simply refers to how we see ourselves. I wasn’t walking around with an inflated sense of self, but I was constantly thinking negatively about myself. I compared myself to others, noticing how they were more intelligent, beautiful, stylish, thoughtful, or successful than I was. My internal monologue was a relentless loop of self-doubt and inadequacy.
If you had asked me a few years ago if I was selfish, I would have immediately said no. How could I be selfish if I didn’t even think highly of myself? But that’s just it—I was always thinking about myself. What I lacked. What I needed to be happy. How others were simply better. Instead of celebrating someone else’s success, I would think, That will never happen for me. My mind was trapped in a cycle of regret over the past and anxiety about the future.
Then, I became a parent. And I asked myself, Do I want my children to feel this way about themselves?Absolutely not. I want them to have a strong sense of self-worth, to celebrate their achievements while supporting others. I want them to live fulfilling lives with purpose and confidence. But how could I teach them that if I couldn’t embody it myself?
Recognizing the Ego’s Voice
When I finally identified this toxic self-talk as ego, I was shocked. I had always associated ego with wealth, success, and arrogance—not with self-doubt and self-criticism. Once I recognized it, I knew I had to shift my mindset. I needed to replace negative, self-centered thoughts with positive, service-centered ones.
The key has been learning and identifying what is my ego and what is my spirit, and to distinguish between the two. My ego compares, criticizes, and convinces me I am lacking. My spirit understands that we are all connected, and no one is inherently better than anyone else. My ego tells me that more money, a bigger house, and material things will make me happy. My spirit reminds me that peace, purpose, love, and authenticity are what truly bring fulfillment, that we are all connected through the cosmos—and that those things already exist within me.
Living in the Present
Shedding my negative ego means filtering my thoughts and shifting my focus to the present. Not the past. Not the future. The now.
For example, bedtime with my kids used to frustrate me. They wouldn’t, and still don’t, fall asleep without me lying beside them, and some nights dragged on endlessly. I would think, I have so much to do! I just need them to sleep so I can be productive!I was always thinking ahead, believing happiness was waiting for me in the next task or accomplishment.
But once I identified these thoughts as ego, I shifted my mindset. Instead of stressing about what I needed to do, I started simply being in the moment. I felt the warmth of our blankets, listened to their breathing slow as they drifted off, smelled their sweet hair, and cherished their small hands holding mine. Instead of rushing to the next thing, I allowed myself to melt into that moment. And suddenly, something that once frustrated me became one of the most peaceful parts of my day.
Learning to live in the present hasn’t been easy and it takes constant daily, practice. It still does. At first, it felt impossible. My mind was loud, and my thoughts raced non-stop. But with practice, it has become easier. My ego used to tell me I needed external validation, achievements, or material things to be happy. My spirit now knows that true success comes from being authentic, present, and leading with love.
Aligning Goals with Your True Self
Letting go of ego doesn’t mean giving up on dreams and goals. It means ensuring that your aspirations align with who you truly are—not who you think you should be or who others expect you to be. It took me over 30 years to realize this. I am still realizing this.
I don’t have immense wealth, fame, or an extraordinary list of achievements. But for the first time since childhood, I have a genuine sense of self. I understand my purpose. I know the kind of person I want to be and what I want to model for my children. When making decisions, I ask myself: Is this something I will remember near the end of my life? Will I one day lie in my bed, regretting the money I lost taking a longer maternity leave, or will I cherish those early moments with my baby? Will I feel guilty for calling in sick to spend time with my family, or will I treasure those memories? The answer is always the latter. And that tells me everything I need to know about what’s truly important.
The Takeaway: Let Go of Ego
So, here’s the truth, the truth that is working for me: Let go of your ego. Stop listening to the voice that tells you you’re not enough. Return to your spirit and focus on what truly matters. Knowledge is power, so the best way to rid yourself of this toxic ego is to educate yourself. I read about ego, listened to podcasts about ego, googled about ego, just absorbed as much information as I could (and still am). Once I recognized these thoughts as ego, I once again, educated myself on how to shut down my negative ego, and move from a mindset of self centered to service centered. A few of my favorite podcast shows that helped me along this journey include:
Ya’ll, I’m not gonna lie… it takes work. A lot of work. Beginning to break free from YEARS or DECADES of toxic thought is not an overnight process. But once you start experiencing small moments of peace and purpose, you’ll realize how worth it it truly is. Because at the end of the day, you are exactly who you are meant to be.
What are some ways in which your ego has held you back, and what did you do to overcome it?
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