Rediscovering Yourself: Finding Purpose Beyond Parenting

Have you ever come to a point in your life where you wonder what your purpose is? Why are you here? What ignites you? What is the freaking point? If you’re human and you’re here, chances are you’ve asked these questions—and so have I.

I’m just a “regular” person, out here on this floating sphere flying by the seat of my pants most of the time.  Some days, I can barely remember to reply to a text message.  I’m not someone who knew exactly what they were meant to do from the time they were little.  I didn’t KNOW what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I still don’t. I have always been searching, and getting lost, and then searching again, so when my kids were born, I thought, “this is it, this is my purpose.”  And now I’m once again questioning what is my purpose beyond that… 

When Parenthood Feels Like Your Only Purpose

For a long time, or at least the last 7 years, I believed my children were my sole purpose. Seeing them as tiny babies, so dependent on me, it was so amazing and precious, and ignited a new sense for purpose for me.  They gave me reason, direction, and fulfillment. They made me want to be a better person as an example to look to. And they still do, every single day. But, my babies aren’t babies anymore, so I’ve started questioning: What was my purpose before them? Did I have one? Did I lose it along the way? And what happens when they grow up and no longer need me as they do now?  If I have done my job well, that’s the plan, right? 

The Feeling of Being Stuck in a Routine

I found myself trapped in a cycle—every day felt the same.  The only things that changed were my clothes or what I ate.   I lived on autopilot, waking up thinking, “13 hours from now, I’ll be back in bed.” And let’s be real, I’m a human being with two little kids and a full time job, I still feel this way sometimes! And while the love for my kids never waned, the love for life and for myself was draining from me.  

From the outside, I was the same lively, humorous person. But inside, I felt empty. And slapping a smile on my face day after day didn’t fix this internal problem.  That realization forced me to look inward and ask: What is my purpose outside of being a parent? 

I had my own Zoolander moment of looking at my reflection and asking, “Who am I?” only to have my reflection respond with, “I don’t know.”  If you’re wondering WTF I’m talking about, you haven’t seen the comedy classic Zoolander with Ben Stiller.  In that case, GO WATCH IT NOW!  It will at the very least, make you laugh.  

Rediscovering Awe and Wonder

While my reflection didn’t have any answers for me, I went to where we all go when we’re lost in the digital age… google. Literally googling how to find happiness and purpose, which led me to mindfulness.  Which led me to wanting to learn more about spirituality (not a particularly religious person over here), which led me to wanting to learn about this crazy place we call earth, which caused me to ask more questions, which caused me to gain this renewed sense of awe and wonder.  And in this, I have found a sense of purpose.  It is found in knowing that we are a part of something so much bigger than ourselves.  

Our sun, for example, that most of us take for granted every day, or get pissed off at for being too bright, is a STAR (no shit, right?).  But when you think about it, we see thousands of stars in the night sky, and our own sun is a star that maybe, someone somewhere else is looking at as just a burning, tiny speck of light in the sky, in a different time in a different galaxy. I mean, who the heck knows, right?   What’s even more mind blowing? There are more planets than stars in the Milky Way galaxy alone… Or how about that our bodies are made of the same elements as the stars? Don’t believe me? Look it up!  But the point is, HOLY WONDER AND HOLY AWE, BATMAN!  

Learning about  this cosmic connection gave me a sense of purpose beyond parenting. But I still needed to find what that meant for me personally.

Embracing What Brings Me Joy

So, I was forced to think about lil “ol me.  Just one of the billions of people on this planet. What do I love aside from my children?  What brings me joy? If my kids were not here, what would ignite ME?  I found that these things include: 

• Making people laugh/ spreading joy
• Teaching and learning
• Expressing myself through art and writing
• Spending time with loved ones
• Practicing kindness and gratitude: It really is what makes the world go round.

As a teacher, I fulfill part of this purpose, but the bureaucracy of the public school system is draining to say the least. That’s why I keep exploring, learning, and creating. Writing, for example, has become an outlet for self-discovery.  Same with finding my joy in painting again, doing small watercolor paintings in bed while my kids are safe and asleep.  It gives me something to look forward to for myself. It allows me to see progress and brings me a sense of peace and joy.

Does Finding Purpose Come Easily?

For some of the lucky ones, yes. For me, and I’m assuming others, HELL-TO-THE-NO! Because if you don’t know where to start, it can feel overwhelming. Finding purpose requires work, exploration and nurturing YOURSELF, which can be hard and feel weird if you are the constant nurturer.

Recently I was listening to Cathy Hellers podcast Abundantly Ever After (you can find this episode HERE, so inspiring).  She and her guest were discussing this using the metaphor of a tomato which I found powerful and relatable as a gardener gal myself.  

A tomato at the store, for example, tastes like, well, nothing.  But, a tomato that was grown in your garden, nurtured by you, the soil, the sunlight, and the rain, and all working together in harmony, tastes fucking amazing.  THAT tomato has purpose because it was given the time and the space and the love to grow into something so beautiful.  Something organic, and real, that with a little work, and perhaps inconvenience, can grow into something so amazing.  Kind of like ourselves right? We must invest time and effort into cultivating our own purpose. It doesn’t always come easily, but it’s worth the work.

The opposite of depression is purpose.  We need it to live and to live on when something bad inevitably happens to us.  We cannot teach our children a sense of purpose if we do not have one for ourselves.  So, where to start? 

Steps to Finding Your Purpose

If you’re also searching for your purpose, here’s my “Finding Your Purpose Starter Pack” suggestions, and it’s virtually FREE! Unless your hobby is collecting precious gems or something like that! So here we go… 

1. Identify What Sparks Joy – What do you love doing? What excites you? Make a list!
2. Explore Your Interests – Read, listen to podcasts, watch videos, and dive deep into what fascinates you. I have some of my fav. podcasts and books linked HERE on my other post. Scroll down and you’ll find it 🙂
3. Pick Up a Hobby – Whether it’s journaling, writing, painting, sewing, woodworking, WHATEVER, find something! I rediscovered watercolor painting and writing, and it has been so fulfilling.
4. Practice Gratitude – Acknowledging life’s blessings can shift your mindset. It has gotten rid of my “me-monster” and allows me to appreciate life instead of being pissed off at it.
5. Spread Joy – Whether through volunteering, humor, or small acts of kindness, bringing joy to others can also bring purpose to your life.

What Gives You Purpose?

If you’re on your own journey of self-discovery, I’d love to hear from you. What fuels your sense of purpose? What advice would you give to someone searching for theirs?  Let’s inform each other on what keeps us going, and fuel some inspiration!